Why is Change So Hard?

The Science of Change and Why We Need It

“Change is inevitable. Progress is optional.” These words from Jon Acuff are a reminder of the inevitable role change plays in our lives. The Bible also teaches the importance of change. Romans 12:2 encourages us not to conform but to be transformed by the renewal of our minds - a profound reminder that change, despite its challenges, is a vital part of our spiritual journey.

When it comes to change, it’s not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when.’ We can either embrace change, adapt, and make progress, or we can resist it, remain stagnant, and watch as the world moves forward without us. The choice is ours to make. But why is it so difficult to bring about change, even when we desperately want to? Let’s decode the mysteries of change through the teachings found in The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.

The Power of Habits: A Double-Edged Sword

Consider this startling fact: According to a Duke University Study, “at least 45 percent of our waking behavior is habitual.” This means almost half of our actions are controlled by our subconscious without us even realizing it. On the one hand, habits help us conserve energy and make daily tasks effortless. But on the other hand, they become formidable barriers when we seek change. They keep us shackled to our comfort zone, making it incredibly challenging to break free and adopt new behaviors.

As James Clear states, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” In other words, it’s not just about setting ambitious goals but building systems or habits that bring us closer to those goals each day. Our habits become the systems that determine whether we rise or fall.

Conscious Intent vs. Subconscious Resistance

Change requires a conscious effort and an active decision to act differently. Yet, our subconscious mind, filled with ingrained habits and patterns, often has different plans. We tend to believe that we control our actions completely, but in reality, our subconscious mind usually takes the driver’s seat.

According to Michael Bungay Stanier, “We’re not so much controlling how we act with our conscious mind as we are being driven by our subconscious or unconscious mind.” The internal struggle between our conscious and subconscious can make change seem even more daunting.

Unleashing the Power of Positive Change

Yet, despite these challenges, change is a manageable task. The first step is understanding and accepting that change is hard but crucial for growth. Change is uncomfortable, but nothing is as uncomfortable as staying stuck. By acknowledging the power of habits and the role of our subconscious mind, we can start devising strategies to bring about positive change. Here’s Fiver Starting Points.

5 Starting Points for Change

Identify Your Habits: In Atomic Habits, James Clear suggests writing down your daily actions or habits. I have done this with the things I do after waking up and have used the formula to create a morning routine that breaks the bad habits of checking my phone or slipping into other distractions over prioritizing my spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Recognize your habitual patterns to bring them into the realm of conscious control, where they can be reprogrammed.

Embrace Baby Steps: Change doesn’t happen in leaps and bounds but in small, manageable steps. Start small, and build gradually. B.J. Fogg teaches that you should define your new habit as a micro-habit that takes less than sixty seconds to complete. It’s worth noting that this is also the thesis of Atomic Habits. I began doing this with meditation to create a daily routine of focus. I know I can’t meditate for even ten minutes, but if I can start with one minute and keep it consistent, I believe it will grow.

Practice Consistency: As Clear puts it, “Habits are not a finish line to be crossed. They’re a lifestyle to be lived.” In his book Atomic Habits, Clear talks about the difference between becoming someone who performs a new habit versus someone who achievies a goal. When you complete a goal, you may do good things to get there, but many people stop at that point. When you focus on a habit instead of a goal, you improve whether you reach the goal or not and after you achieve the goal or not because you continue the good habits.

I have used this to make the shift to  become a person who runs over my old goals of achieving a certain distance or time. Consistency is key in forming new habits and implementing change.

Harness Positive Affirmations: Use affirmations to reprogram your subconscious mind, making it an ally in your journey towards change. I have battled with negative self-talk most of my life. I am pretty hard on myself, and as a result, I can be hard on others. I have worked to change how I treat others, but that only goes so far until I change how I treat myself.

I use a daily affirmation that I speak out loud, not just to have happy thoughts, but to reprogram how I think about myself. Lately, I have taken it a step further. I tell myself out loud, “Good job, Josh.” when I accomplish even small things. I treat myself as I think God would want me to be treated instead of looking for praise outside of my relationship with God.

Show Self-Compassion: Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion. When I see someone beating themselves up, my heart goes out to them because I know what that is like. Often times a lack of compassion for ourselves comes from a lack of understanding of how God views mistakes. He is rich in mercy, and as His children, we should not be poor in it.

A lack of self-compassion is not the tough love you need to change habits. It creates condemnation and a give-in-so-give-up mentality. When we give-in, when we need to go-up to God to get the encouragement and mercy, we need to keep going.

Change: Your Best Ally or Your Worst Enemy?

Change might seem like a formidable adversary, but it can become your most potent ally with understanding and the right strategies. The journey might be challenging, but as Acuff suggests, “Bravery is a choice, not a feeling. You don’t have to feel brave to be brave.” So, choose change, choose progress, and start your brave journey today.

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